Well, after living full-time in SW Florida for nearly 43 years and suffering through any number of close calls, it finally happened.
Hurricane Irma arrived on Sunday morning, September 10th, exactly 57 years after Hurricane Donna came onshore just south of Naples as a Category 4 (wind rotation of 130-156 mph).Irma hit Marco Island as a 4 and headed straight to downtown Naples, where it slowed to a Category 3 (111-129 mph).
The average adult starts finding it tough to navigate when 45-50 mph winds blow. At 70-75 mph, basically the threshold of a Category 1 hurricane, it takes a very athletic person to stay on his/her feet. Guys like SK and Wavebb don't gotta prayer. Nomsayin?
On Friday, forecasts charts basically called for Irma to pass directly over Naples, Bonita, and Ft. Myers. The storm was then approaching Cuba as a Cat 5 (winds in excess of 157 mph).
Having weathered two previous hurricanes where gusts in Bonita Springs reached 90-100 mph (essentially Category 1 winds), Nu'Trelle knew there was no way he was gonna hang around for during a Category 4 or 5 storm. Where do you need to be during a storm like that? Answer: Some place else.
So he headed North late Friday night. Knowing that I-75 would be jammed, he opted to thread his way through the center of the state. After briefly napping in his car, he found a motel in Kingsland, GA and stayed through Sunday morning.
Realizing that he needed to have a reservation before departing. There was nothing in Brunswick, GA. Same with Savannah. No luck in Columbia, S.C.Finally He booked a room near Charlotte, N.C.
Once there, he spent Sunday, Monday and Tuesday in NC, then headed home to access the damage on Wednesday.
I-77 went okay, but I-26 just south of Columbia, S.C. became a parking lot. So once again, Nu'Trelle got off the interstates and hit the state roads. Once back in FL, you needed to use plenty of caution as many traffic lights were out along state highway. .
In Lee County, the streets were like a ghost town. Felled trees were scattered dangerously along roadsides. Signage and other forms of twisted aluminum and metal debris were piled indiscriminately in far too many places. Obviously, in only 3-4 days crews had not been able to put much of a dent in clearing away the massive amount of destruction.
All five of the steel reinforced concrete buildings in Nu'Trelle's complex survived. They were built during in an era when the codes in SW FL called for all buildings up to 3 stories high to be capable of withstanding sustained 115 mph winds. Whether or not they would have been left standing if they had been hit by a Category 5 storm is very debatable.
So it was dark that Thursday, September 14th. Make that dark and eerie. Nighttime temps were in the low 80's which, with humidity figured in, felt like 95-100.
Some commercial buildings had power. Most did not. Most residential buildings were dark. Most street lights were out. 50% or more of the traffic signals were out. I didn't see any police. Good thing I didn't. A 7 pm-7 am curfew was in place to keep residents safe and looters at home. Didn't see peezy28 either.
Nu'Trelle's condo building had no power. Only 1 of the 5 in the complex had any power at all and it was 120 volts. He made his way up three flights of stairs and found no broken windows and only one small leak in the ceiling of his master bedroom. The $137.56 that he kept hidden between his mattress and innerspring since graduating from Ohio State (he never trusted no FDIC-insured institutions wiff his savings) was still there.
So was the Roy Rogers model Colt 45 pot-metal cap pistol that was a gift for his seventh birthday just in case Daytona Dan (or someone just as bad, if there is such a person) ever kicked down the door and broke into his house. To tell you the troof, Nu'Trelle not certain if the caps still work or not. Guess he probably oughta see about reloading the gun with some fresh caps once the cap gun stores re-opens.
No power. Therefore, no A/C. Daytime highs were in the mid-90's. Every day, all day long. That translates to 108-112 degrees for non-crackers. All five elevators were down. Truthfully, the only one Nu'Trelle really cared about was in Building B. He live in Building B.
Try walking up and down three flights of stairs several times a day for 8 days. You eventually learn not to forget things that you meant to bring with you. You also learn to skip carrying any item that weighs more than 10 pounds. After the third or fourth day, you learn not to bother with anything that weigh close to 3 pounds.
After 8 days, your 72 year old body have been sapped so thoroughly by the heat and humidity that you seriously considers if clothing itself is too heavy to wear. The only thing that stops you from acting on instinct is fear that wimmens age 18 or less may spot your 72 year old body in broad daylight. So you break the curfew and go up and down the stairs only at night using your flashlight to blind any other residents wiff whom you might encounter.
On Thursday afternoon, September 21st, after power had been restored to over 97% of all Lee County customers, Florida Power and Light finally decided that enough was enough and sent two trucks to our rescue. The threat of Nu'Trelle roaming the steps and walkways at night au natural must have been the straw that broke the camel's back. Thus, FPL dispatched The Three Amigos from Enterprise Electrical out of Miami. The heaviest of the three spoke some English. Not much. Just a little.
The three of them were in the shade relaxing on chairs when Nu'Trelle approached. He asked them if they had things diagnosed. The heaviest guy pointed to a utility pole 50 feet away and said there were two blown fuses. The pole fed power underground to our property. All wiring on our property runs underground. That's why it was so perplexing to have no power out for 12 days!
When Nu'Trelle asked how long it would take to restore things, the guy pointed to his cell phone and said in broken English, "We're waiting for permission to replace the fuses. After we get it, it'll take maybe 20-30 minutes to have everything running."
It would have taken them the same amount of time had they come out the day after the storm. But then life wouldn't have been nearly as interesting. What happens to a 72 year old man in top physical condition who owns four pairs of underwear? Even if all 4 pair are clean when you gets back from Charlotte, by Sunday the excitement begins ... and that's assuming you don't have no accidents.
By Monday, you has no choice but to (1) make a diaper out of a towel with some safety pins or (2) inspect and select the cleanest of the used ones. Not being able to locate any safety pins, Nu'Trelle chose the latter. He refuse to admit what happened on Wednesday, but safe to assume it was not pretty.
Early Thursday morning, he finally had enough. He could no longer take what was happening. So in the darkness of night, he took detergent, underwear, his quarters and his heavy-duty flashlight and headed down the steps to the laundry room.
Best thing about it, 4 pairs of threadbare underwear constitutes a "light load". So he only had to use 5 quarters instead of the customary 6. Thank God for small favors. Nu'Trelle pushed the gizmo in on the machine that dumped the quarters and took a seat.
He thought briefly and about the fact that he could have brought down all 4 pairs of white socks and maybe a couple shirts too, but he wasn't about to go back upstairs. Even though he was naked. Truthfully, the coolness of the seat of the aluminum chair he was sitting on felt rather refreshing at 2 am.
As he sat there with arms folded across his chest, it also dawned on him that he could have brought down a book to read. The washing and drying would take around an hour. That's about 15 minutes per brief, he said to hisself, remembering how teachers had always told his Mom how gifted he was at math. Next he started to think about how much it would cost per brief, but realized he would probably need a pencil and a couple pieces of paper for that.
Instead, he concentrated on the fact that was sitting on that cool aluminum chair at 2 am, not fighting for use of the machines or putting up with any other crap from neighbors and realized that was no accident. Neither was the fact that he never had any problem finding gasoline during the fuel shortage.
After deciding unanimously that he was a whole helluva lot smarter than the average guy on FL Varsity, Nu'Trelle looked at the washer to see how much time was left before he'd need to transfer his four pairs of drawers to the dryer. But to no avail. Irma must have knocked out the digital clock mechanism. He'd just have to wait. It would be a surprise.
But then, after re-folding his arms, it dawned on him that the machine had not filled with water. So he got up, opened the lid and shined his flashlight toward the bottom. Just 4 pairs of underwear marbled with blue detergent. There was no water. Thankfully, he did have another five quarters ... but that was about it.
So he reloaded them into the machine, pushed the lever in, sat back down on the chair (which had gotten quite a bit warmer for some reason) and refolded his arms. But guess what? There was STILL no water! And this time he was certain of it.
Then amazingly, like a bolt out of the blue, a voice that sounded eerily similar to blackpopsicle's announced, "YOU HAVE NO WATER, DUMBASS, BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO &%$#@ ELECTRIC."
Instinctively, Nu'Trelle turned his head quickly and shot back, "OH YEAH? WELL ... THE JERK STORE JUST CALLED AND THEY'RE RUNNIN OUT OF YOU!"
Hurricane Irma arrived on Sunday morning, September 10th, exactly 57 years after Hurricane Donna came onshore just south of Naples as a Category 4 (wind rotation of 130-156 mph).Irma hit Marco Island as a 4 and headed straight to downtown Naples, where it slowed to a Category 3 (111-129 mph).
The average adult starts finding it tough to navigate when 45-50 mph winds blow. At 70-75 mph, basically the threshold of a Category 1 hurricane, it takes a very athletic person to stay on his/her feet. Guys like SK and Wavebb don't gotta prayer. Nomsayin?
On Friday, forecasts charts basically called for Irma to pass directly over Naples, Bonita, and Ft. Myers. The storm was then approaching Cuba as a Cat 5 (winds in excess of 157 mph).
Having weathered two previous hurricanes where gusts in Bonita Springs reached 90-100 mph (essentially Category 1 winds), Nu'Trelle knew there was no way he was gonna hang around for during a Category 4 or 5 storm. Where do you need to be during a storm like that? Answer: Some place else.
So he headed North late Friday night. Knowing that I-75 would be jammed, he opted to thread his way through the center of the state. After briefly napping in his car, he found a motel in Kingsland, GA and stayed through Sunday morning.
Realizing that he needed to have a reservation before departing. There was nothing in Brunswick, GA. Same with Savannah. No luck in Columbia, S.C.Finally He booked a room near Charlotte, N.C.
Once there, he spent Sunday, Monday and Tuesday in NC, then headed home to access the damage on Wednesday.
I-77 went okay, but I-26 just south of Columbia, S.C. became a parking lot. So once again, Nu'Trelle got off the interstates and hit the state roads. Once back in FL, you needed to use plenty of caution as many traffic lights were out along state highway. .
In Lee County, the streets were like a ghost town. Felled trees were scattered dangerously along roadsides. Signage and other forms of twisted aluminum and metal debris were piled indiscriminately in far too many places. Obviously, in only 3-4 days crews had not been able to put much of a dent in clearing away the massive amount of destruction.
All five of the steel reinforced concrete buildings in Nu'Trelle's complex survived. They were built during in an era when the codes in SW FL called for all buildings up to 3 stories high to be capable of withstanding sustained 115 mph winds. Whether or not they would have been left standing if they had been hit by a Category 5 storm is very debatable.
So it was dark that Thursday, September 14th. Make that dark and eerie. Nighttime temps were in the low 80's which, with humidity figured in, felt like 95-100.
Some commercial buildings had power. Most did not. Most residential buildings were dark. Most street lights were out. 50% or more of the traffic signals were out. I didn't see any police. Good thing I didn't. A 7 pm-7 am curfew was in place to keep residents safe and looters at home. Didn't see peezy28 either.
Nu'Trelle's condo building had no power. Only 1 of the 5 in the complex had any power at all and it was 120 volts. He made his way up three flights of stairs and found no broken windows and only one small leak in the ceiling of his master bedroom. The $137.56 that he kept hidden between his mattress and innerspring since graduating from Ohio State (he never trusted no FDIC-insured institutions wiff his savings) was still there.
So was the Roy Rogers model Colt 45 pot-metal cap pistol that was a gift for his seventh birthday just in case Daytona Dan (or someone just as bad, if there is such a person) ever kicked down the door and broke into his house. To tell you the troof, Nu'Trelle not certain if the caps still work or not. Guess he probably oughta see about reloading the gun with some fresh caps once the cap gun stores re-opens.
No power. Therefore, no A/C. Daytime highs were in the mid-90's. Every day, all day long. That translates to 108-112 degrees for non-crackers. All five elevators were down. Truthfully, the only one Nu'Trelle really cared about was in Building B. He live in Building B.
Try walking up and down three flights of stairs several times a day for 8 days. You eventually learn not to forget things that you meant to bring with you. You also learn to skip carrying any item that weighs more than 10 pounds. After the third or fourth day, you learn not to bother with anything that weigh close to 3 pounds.
After 8 days, your 72 year old body have been sapped so thoroughly by the heat and humidity that you seriously considers if clothing itself is too heavy to wear. The only thing that stops you from acting on instinct is fear that wimmens age 18 or less may spot your 72 year old body in broad daylight. So you break the curfew and go up and down the stairs only at night using your flashlight to blind any other residents wiff whom you might encounter.
On Thursday afternoon, September 21st, after power had been restored to over 97% of all Lee County customers, Florida Power and Light finally decided that enough was enough and sent two trucks to our rescue. The threat of Nu'Trelle roaming the steps and walkways at night au natural must have been the straw that broke the camel's back. Thus, FPL dispatched The Three Amigos from Enterprise Electrical out of Miami. The heaviest of the three spoke some English. Not much. Just a little.
The three of them were in the shade relaxing on chairs when Nu'Trelle approached. He asked them if they had things diagnosed. The heaviest guy pointed to a utility pole 50 feet away and said there were two blown fuses. The pole fed power underground to our property. All wiring on our property runs underground. That's why it was so perplexing to have no power out for 12 days!
When Nu'Trelle asked how long it would take to restore things, the guy pointed to his cell phone and said in broken English, "We're waiting for permission to replace the fuses. After we get it, it'll take maybe 20-30 minutes to have everything running."
It would have taken them the same amount of time had they come out the day after the storm. But then life wouldn't have been nearly as interesting. What happens to a 72 year old man in top physical condition who owns four pairs of underwear? Even if all 4 pair are clean when you gets back from Charlotte, by Sunday the excitement begins ... and that's assuming you don't have no accidents.
By Monday, you has no choice but to (1) make a diaper out of a towel with some safety pins or (2) inspect and select the cleanest of the used ones. Not being able to locate any safety pins, Nu'Trelle chose the latter. He refuse to admit what happened on Wednesday, but safe to assume it was not pretty.
Early Thursday morning, he finally had enough. He could no longer take what was happening. So in the darkness of night, he took detergent, underwear, his quarters and his heavy-duty flashlight and headed down the steps to the laundry room.
Best thing about it, 4 pairs of threadbare underwear constitutes a "light load". So he only had to use 5 quarters instead of the customary 6. Thank God for small favors. Nu'Trelle pushed the gizmo in on the machine that dumped the quarters and took a seat.
He thought briefly and about the fact that he could have brought down all 4 pairs of white socks and maybe a couple shirts too, but he wasn't about to go back upstairs. Even though he was naked. Truthfully, the coolness of the seat of the aluminum chair he was sitting on felt rather refreshing at 2 am.
As he sat there with arms folded across his chest, it also dawned on him that he could have brought down a book to read. The washing and drying would take around an hour. That's about 15 minutes per brief, he said to hisself, remembering how teachers had always told his Mom how gifted he was at math. Next he started to think about how much it would cost per brief, but realized he would probably need a pencil and a couple pieces of paper for that.
Instead, he concentrated on the fact that was sitting on that cool aluminum chair at 2 am, not fighting for use of the machines or putting up with any other crap from neighbors and realized that was no accident. Neither was the fact that he never had any problem finding gasoline during the fuel shortage.
After deciding unanimously that he was a whole helluva lot smarter than the average guy on FL Varsity, Nu'Trelle looked at the washer to see how much time was left before he'd need to transfer his four pairs of drawers to the dryer. But to no avail. Irma must have knocked out the digital clock mechanism. He'd just have to wait. It would be a surprise.
But then, after re-folding his arms, it dawned on him that the machine had not filled with water. So he got up, opened the lid and shined his flashlight toward the bottom. Just 4 pairs of underwear marbled with blue detergent. There was no water. Thankfully, he did have another five quarters ... but that was about it.
So he reloaded them into the machine, pushed the lever in, sat back down on the chair (which had gotten quite a bit warmer for some reason) and refolded his arms. But guess what? There was STILL no water! And this time he was certain of it.
Then amazingly, like a bolt out of the blue, a voice that sounded eerily similar to blackpopsicle's announced, "YOU HAVE NO WATER, DUMBASS, BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO &%$#@ ELECTRIC."
Instinctively, Nu'Trelle turned his head quickly and shot back, "OH YEAH? WELL ... THE JERK STORE JUST CALLED AND THEY'RE RUNNIN OUT OF YOU!"
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